90 posts tagged “amusing”

Does Twitter appear to be down at the moment? Are you not sure how you will survive without giving people 140 character updates on your life? Have no fear! I have created a new application just for such scenarios.

Introducing ManualTweet!

In a few easy steps, you can be posting tweets about your lunch, what's on TV, or that joke that you're sure people other than you think is funny.

1. Download the ManualTweet application. 

2. Print the ManualTweet application.

3. Enter your username, tweet, and timestamp.

For your convenience, markings for 140 characters have been provided.

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A password is not required for ManualTweet.

4. Add Your Avatar to Your Tweet in Space Provided

While the Manual Tweet suggest pasting the avatar, other adhesives, such as tape, may be substituted.

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If you happen to be in Twitter's data center, you can post your tweet directly onto the server. However, very few of us will have that option. As an alternative, may we suggest:

• Walls
• Refrigerators
  
• Bulletin Boards at Coffee Houses
• Telephone Poles
• A Series of Tubes

ManualTweet should not be affixed to cats--there is a different application for that.

That's all there is to it. ManualTweet is compatible with all operating systems, and many mobile phones. It is the Web 0.2 way to communicate!

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ManualTweet is a free download!

For grade school and high school, I went to Catholic schools. That meant twelve years of uniforms. I used to joke I was only attracted to women in plaid skirts.

One requirement was to keep your shirt tail tucked in. At least three times a week someone told me that. I would diligently tuck the back of my shirt into my pants, but ignore the front. It was the tail after all.

Seems like I'm not the only one who has had this confusion.

Shirt tail

One of the "clients" of my office happens to be our internal e-mail system. Today, in a fit of frustration, I went to the account manager for that group with a 1 GB USB flash drive.

"Can we plug this into the mail server, and increase my mail quota?"

Set the WABAC machine to 1992. Micro Center hand just opened,  and the lost leader of the day was a box of 10 3.5", 1.44 MB floppy disks for $1. that was a crazy low price.* I took one, walked up to one of the SysAdmins at Miami, and asked, "Can we stick this in the VAX and increase my quota?"

Oddly, the increase (a quadrupling) was about the same in both cases.

*Putting this in today's terms: a 2GB flash drive runs $7 at Microcenter, or $0.003/MB (3/10 of a cent). My box of disks would run a bit over two cents. 

This morning's XKCD describes what I find frustrating about open source operating systems. There is a tendency to hit some particular interest (which may expand the ability of computers), but to the detriment of broader usability.

1. Properly secure a wireless router.
2. Crack the WEP key on a wireless router.
3. Leech Wifi from your neighbor.
4. Screw with Wifi leeches.
5. Setup and use a VPN.
6. Work from home or a coffee shop as effectively as you do at the office.
7. Wire your own home with Ethernet cable.
8. Turn a web camera into security camera.
9. Use your 3G phone as a Wi-Fi access point.
10. Understand what “There’s no Place Like 127.0.0.1″ means.
11. Identify key-loggers.
12. Properly connect a TV, Tivo, XBox, Wii, and Apple TV so they all work together with the one remote.
13. Program a universal remote.
14. Swap out the battery on your iPod/iPhone.
15. Benchmark Your Computer
16. Identify all computer components on sight.
17. Know which parts to order from NewEgg.com, and how to assemble them into a working PC.
18. Troubleshoot any computer/gadget problem, over the phone.
19. Use any piece of technology intuitively, without instruction or prior knowledge.
20. How to irrecoverably protect data.
21. Recover data from a dead hard drive.
22. Share a printer between a Mac and a PC on a network.
23. Install a Linux distribution. (Hint: Ubuntu 9.04 is easier than installing Windows)
24. Remove a virus from a computer.
25. Dual (or more) boot a computer.
26. Boot a computer off a thumb drive.
27. Boot a computer off a network drive.
28. Replace or repair a laptop keyboard.
29. Run more than two monitors on a single computer.
30. Successfully disassemble and reassemble a laptop.
31. Know at least 10 software easter eggs off the top of your head.
32. Bypass a computer password on all major operating systems
33. Carrying a computer cleaning arsenal on your USB drive floppy disks.
34. Bypass content filters on public computers.
35. Protect your privacy when using a public computer.
36. Surf the web anonymously from home.
37. Buy a domain, configure bind, apache, MySQL, php, and Wordpress without Googling a how-to.
38. Basic *nix command shell knowledge with the ability to edit and save a file with vi. EMACS
    
39. Create a web site using vi. EMACS
    
40. Transcode a DVD to play on a portable device.
41. Hide a File Behind a JPEG.
42. Share a single keyboard and mouse between multiple computers without a KVM switch.
43. Google obscure facts in under 3 searches. Bonus point if you can use I Feel Lucky.
44. Build amazing structures with LEGO and invent a compelling back story for the creation.
45. Understand that it is LEGO, not Lego, Legos, or Lego’s.
46. Build a two story house out of LEGO, in monochrome, with a balcony.
47. Construct a costume for you or your kid out of scraps, duct tape, paper mâché, and imagination.
48. Be able to pick a lock.
49. Determine the combination of a Master combination padlock in under 10 minutes.
50. Assemble IKEA furniture without looking at the instructions. Bonus point if you don’t have to backtrack.
51. Use a digital SLR in full manual mode.
52. Do cool things to Altoids tins.
53. Be able to construct paper craft versions of space ships.
54. Origami! Bonus point for duct tape origami. (Ductigami)
55. Fix anything with duct tape, chewing gum and wire.
56. Knowing how to avoid being eaten by a grue.
57. Know what a grue is.
58. Understand wherre XYZZY came from, and have used it.
59. Play any SNES Commodore 64 game on your computer through an emulator.
60. Burn the rope.
61. Know the Konami code, and where to use it.
62. Whistle, hum, or play on an iPhone, the Cantina song.
63. Learning to play the theme songs to the kids favorite TV shows.
64. Solve a Rubik’s Cube.
65. Calculate THAC0.
66. Know the difference between skills and traits.
67. Explain special relativity in terms an eight-year-old can grasp.
68. Recite pi to 10 places or more.
69. Be able to calculate tip and split the check, all in your head.
70. Explain that the colours in a rainbow are roygbiv.
71. Understand the electromagnetic spectrum - xray, uv, visible, infrared, microwave, radio.
72. Know the difference between radiation and radioactive contamination.
73. Understand basic electronics components like resistors, capacitors, inductors and transistors.
74. Solder a circuit while bottle feeding an infant. (lead free solder please.)
75. The meaning of technical acronyms.
76. The coffee dash, blindfolded (or blurry eyed). Coffee <brew> [cream] [sugar]. In under a minute.
77. Build a fighting robot.
78. Program a fighting robot.
79. Build a failsafe into a fighting robot so it doesn’t kill you.
80. Be able to trace the Fellowship’s journey on a map of Middle Earth.
81. Know all the names of the Dwarves in The Hobbit.
82. Understand the difference between a comic book and a graphic novel.
83. Know where your towel is and why it is important.
84. Knowing the answer to life, the universe and everything.
85. Re-enact the parrot sketch.
86. Know the words to The Lumberjack Song.
87. Reciting key scenes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
88. Be able to recite at least one Geek Movie word for word.
89. Know what the 8th Chevron does on a Stargate and how much power is required to get a lock.
90. Be able to explain why it’s important that Han shot first.
91. Know why it is just wrong for Luke and Leia to kiss.
92. Stop talking Star Wars long enough to get laid.
93. The ability to name actors, characters and plotlines from the majority of sci-fi movies produced since 1968.
94. Cite Mythbusters when debunking a myth or urban legend.
95. Sleep with a Cricket bat next to your bed.
96. Have a documented plan on what to do during a zombie or robot uprising.
97. Identify evil alternate universe versions of friends, family, co-workers or self.
98. Be able to convince TSA that the electronic parts you are carrying are really not a threat to passengers.
99. Talk about things that aren’t tech related.
100. Get something on the front page of Digg.

I think I know what they mean, but the phrasing strikes me as odd.

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